The Crown of her Husband


It’s a season of change and I’m surrendering to the way He’s rearranging my priorities, shifting my focus and redirecting my heart’s preoccupation – divinely pointing me nearer to my husband’s heart. And if there’s one specific message I sense Him speaking straight to mine, it’s summarized in this scripture:

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” [Proverbs 12:4]

And if my character, commitment and countenance crowns him, I want to consider my ways – all the ways I wander and deviate from the path of my God-given priorities and position.

Even after we tied the knot, I had several emotional ties that took up residence in my heart, leaving less room for my husband. I knew I needed balance regarding relationships, responsibilities and routines. We believe God is faithful to give wisdom, but it’s up to us to seek truth and follow through. Still today, there are moments I give my heart and thoughts to places where God is not calling me to go, or to be. The pull is subtle, but even slightly misplaced priorities, will steal true intimacy

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life


God entrusts wives with the heart of their husband! 

What a noble calling of homemaker and help-mate! Help us Lord, to walk worthily in it! I didn’t realize how the very things that contend with our loyalty to God, can compete with our love for our husband. The same idols, weaknesses and distractions we wrestle to overcome in our relationship with God, are the same ones to cause distance, disunity and divide in marriage.

Because in order to wholeheartedly be my husband’s helpmate, I must wholeheartedly be devoted to his heart! Your thinking, “Of course!” 

I did too!

But here’s the thing, if at the end of the day, I’m consistently too tired and exhausted to minister to my husband, my heart’s priorities may need some adjusting.

Because respecting and honoring my husband, begins with properly placed priorities. So I’m asking, who and what am I giving the best of my time, efforts and mental energies to?

It’s not that everyone else gets our leftovers, instead, it’s seeking to intentionally serve his needs first. Because honestly, when I’m comfortable, I can slip into complacency, allowing other roles to take precedence over my responsibilities as help-mate. Because what is my obedience to God, if I’m not obedient to my position as my husband’s help-mate?

Because when I’m standing in the kitchen, stirring sticky rice and realize submission is actually an integral part of the love story God is scripting in my marriage; where forgiveness flows freely, compassion is cultivated, redemptive love revealed – I’m quicker to bow and joyfully accept the mission of submission and calling of servanthoodAnd beloved, that doesn’t mean less than – it means MORE than. Because living beyond ourselves and being intentional in our roles brings real satisfaction. 

Proverbs 31 gives praise to the ‘virtuous wife’. But her portrait isn’t about perfection – it’s about a passionate pursuit of holiness and wholeness. 

Because right priorities, produce hearts full of peace and that which guards my heart, surrounds my home. In other words, the decor we wear in our hearts, we will inevitably surround our dwelling. I don’t want criticism, fear or insecurity, written on the walls of my home. I want the fruit of the Spirit inscribed around my family’s heart.

I want to build my home with the heart of Jesus.

A whole and holy house – full of wisdom, worship, prayer and praise; that our foundation would be solidly steeped in scripture. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”[Prov.14:1]

The paradigm in the poetic words of Proverbs thirty-one, continually steer me closer to my truest calling, greatest mission and single most important service. For when I see the middle of my messy living room floor, as one of the most influential platforms I could ever minister from; where patience is practiced, grace given and temperance taught – I am closer to perceiving daily life, as a wife and mother from God’s perspective.

God chooses some to communicate His message to the masses; but He commissions and calls mothers to convey and display His love, in the most intimate ways. Moms have the privilege of revealing God’s heart, each and every day.

And there’s no greater calling, mission or vision, than to be entrusted with someone’s heart. Increasingly more, I realize maintaining an intimate relationship with God is integral to keeping my priorities properly placed. And I want to be the crown of my husband’s heart.

The more a husband sees our continual, concerted effort to keep his heart first, the deeper He shall safely trust ours! 


  • What are some ways you could show your husband, his heart is your first priority? Would scheduling less engagements give you more energy to engage with him?

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” [Proverbs 12:4]


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  1. Kimberly Whyte

    Beautifully written from God’s heart, to yours, to us! Thank you for such wonderful words of wisdom!

  2. Jessica, this is so beautifully written! What an honor to visit with you today, Dear Heart! Thank you for sharing this! Peace and many blessings to you, Love! 🙂

  3. Jessica!! Great piece – thanks for opening up and sharing more into your world.

    I thought about what I could do better with God as my husband – I have a couple ideas already!

    This is by far the line that spoke to me most – “. The pull is subtle, but even slightly misplaced priorities, will steal true intimacy.”

    Thank you!

    • Hey Lauren!
      Even in marriage, God remains the bride’s – groom!
      May you truly be encouraged in this season as you walk with Him, your beloved, receiving all the intimate blessings He has to bestow.
      Thank-you for sharing (your heart) Lauren!!

  4. Such wise encouragement for wives seeking God’s heart and their husbands. I know that those closest to me can often get my leftovers. As much as I try for balance, the first and best don’t always land at home. But that really ought to be where everything else starts from. This is particularly convicting to me as we plan to move and settle into our new home. Tension can be high and emotions higher – my heart is to be that helpmate and crown to my husband as we navigate this new adventure. As always, thank you for pointing us to the King and encouraging us to leave you better than when we came. xoxo

    • Praying for you in the midst of your move and I’m right there too, in transition. Packing, planning and trusting God’s provision! May the Shalom of God guard your home and heart. And thank-you sweet sister for your faithful encouragement! Blessings as you go forward!

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